this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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