i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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