and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
