i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
