i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
