Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
