I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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