she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Two words: nipple clamps
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