We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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