his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
