his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
