It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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