I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
