We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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