I accidentally had phone sex last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
