Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
