He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
