It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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