barbara walters just said penis...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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