she smelled like a LAN party
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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