When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
