He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize