did you get engaged???
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
