I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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