I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
