I just made out with a guy for $7.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize