god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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