I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
