I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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