What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
