Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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