If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
