Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can you bring me the toilet please
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
