just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
