fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
