Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
