ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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