For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
