there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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