I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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