I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
