physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We smell like vodka and hangover
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
