And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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