I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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