My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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