Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
