2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
