when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
