There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
