i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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