We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
