I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
