I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
