I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
