glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
