i think my mom watched the whole time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
