just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
