New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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