for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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