You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I just put wine in my tea
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
