? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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