Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
