Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
